My Ridiculous Encounter at the Pool

Last Thursday…

So today, a lovely Thursday morning, I went to the pool to sit in the hot tub before my massage. First thing I notice, man, I’m the only young, white person here. Next thing I notice, good grief, my bikini shows a lot of skin… So while I sit in the hot tub, thoroughly ashamed of my lack of coverage, watching the parade of wrinkles shuffle by and feeling completely out of place, I spot the lifeguard. First thought, Whoa he’s young… close followed second thought, wait a second, HE’S GOOD-LOOKING TOO! And then comes the realization that my hair is an absolute mess and I have zero makeup on my face. Crap. So I try to avoid looking at him as much as possible all the while being shamed into wanting a one-piece swimsuit so I don’t give some poor old man a heart attack due to my “lack of propriety”. But because I’m the only person there under the age of ninety, I stick out like a neon sign and it was only a matter of minutes before Lifeguard boy figured out “that one of these is not like the others”. And he couldn’t allow me to (literally) melt away into a puddle of embarrassment, oh no, he had to walk by and say “sweet hair.” Thankfully, I was coherent enough to smile back and reply in a reasonable fashion that most likely hid how dumbfounded I was that he was talking to me. Then the time sunk into my stupefied and chlorine addled brain and it was time to get out. I tried to wobble out as gracefully as possible, trying not to pass out from the chlorine fumes, the sight of sagging skin, and the heat of the water. After I gathered all my things, I swing around and HELLO, Lifeguard boy is right there and is talking to me. Clearly I didn’t escape his notice because he commented on how long I’d been there (which was like 15mins tops), to which I replied that I needed it for my massage and he just smiled some more and mentioned that they have a sauna I can use for next time. Right, next time. I somehow managed to stay upright and sputter out some response that I hoped sounded enchanting and then staggered back to the change room in one piece, smiling like a fool all the way. Now I could chalk up my distraction and my general loopiness afterwards to the hot tub, or I could quit lying to myself and admit that the good-looking lifeguard was rather charming and that yes, I would like to talk to him again. Even if the only reason he approached me was because I was a fresh faced looks-like-a-twenty-something in a sea of appropriately covered up elderly…