Hello
internet! It’s me! I know we haven’t spoken in a while but I’m back to regale
you with stories of my life. Not that it’s particularly interesting right now
or that I have loads of extra time or anything. I just felt it was time to make a
bit of a comeback. I’m three weeks into my last semester of fourth year. Four
more months of my degree before I’m cut loose and expected to be an adult.
There has yet to be any nervous breakdowns (stay tuned), outrageous drama (give
it time), or uncontrollable bouts of emotional eating (…). Welcome to fourth
year! Where C’s get degrees and where blood, sweat, and tears define my entire
final collection. So it’s really no wonder that sometimes, I just want my brain
to shut off, even just for a moment. For my brain to stop twisting around how
to sew a particular seam, how in the world I’m going to draft my
second garment, or how I’ll scrape together enough time to somehow hand bead
five garments. If only my brain would stop obsessing over whatever book I’m
currently reading, or being preoccupied with the current class drama,
or wondering when that friend will ever end up texting me back. To be able to
stop stressing about my looming graduation, my uncertain future as an adult,
and the doom and gloom of finding a job. If only I could just flip a switch and
all that clutter would just disappear, maybe then I could actually focus and
get more work done. Turn into some kind of driven, work-crazed zombie that
blasts through work instead of getting distracted by which Harry Potter
character you would date in real life. Ah yes, life would be a breeze if such
a magical switch existed. All those embarrassing memories that haunt you at
random waking moments could simply dissipate allowing you to have a few moments
of peace. But alas, I’m stuck with a mind full nonsense, useless and useful
information, and muddles of emotions. No wonder I have such an overactive
imagination.
Normal People Just Don't Get It
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Greetings from England! (Yes, I'm Still Alive)
In case you've been living under a rock, I've been living in the UK for about 3 months now. It all feels like some sort of surreal dream that I will occasionally submerge from into blinding reality, that yes, I AM living in the UK right now. And for those few moments I’m so contently happy, I’m this daredevil adventurer and the world is my oyster, ready for the taking. All very cliché but all very amazing as well. My time here has flown by in a flurry of food, rain (but mostly sunshine), creativity, and posh accents; a blur of living on my own, sightseeing, and getting lost in thousands of years of history, art, and culture. So forgive me dear readers, I had every intention of keeping you up to date on my adventures but I was busy and lazy and too afraid of not writing something “good enough”. And of course the only time I would want to write something would be the week before a major project was due that required me to attack a mountain of work. So it’s really no surprise that I’m only getting around to this until now. Expect for the fact that I have another major project to complete in the next week and a half. Oh joy. So despite what you may be thinking, it’s not all fun and games here (it mostly is though). But to show that I am sometimes doing serious things let’s tackle the first topic: education. It is so invigorating to be in such a unique creative environment. The tutors and technicians have been absolutely incredible. It may help that I’m an innocent little exchange student which means they’re extra nice, but who am I to question the system. And it’s not just the faculty; all of the students have been so welcoming, sweet, and friendly. So many of them took me under their wing and helped me out. I went on fabric shopping trips to London and random 2 hour conversations about everything under the sun. The girls that I have met and befriended here have just made this whole experience that much better. And while I won’t go into too much detail about my last project so I don’t bore you, I will say that it was lovely fun to spend so much time on a project and to finally be able to develop it fully. I also worked with real leather for the first time and I loved it so much that it may make an appearance in my fourth year collection. (Spoilers!) The garment I created married my inspiration of beautiful, soft, flowy, and a wee bit creepy roses, with the bad-ass aspect of biker jackets, spikes, and thorns. The dress above is what I ended up with. My current project is basically a self-directed study that will end on April 4th and then I will be officially finished my term here. I can’t believe how quickly it has all gone by and how comfortable and happy I have been here. I don’t think I am the same person now that I was in December before I left. I was terrified of leaving, imaging all the worst case scenarios, and all the horrors of having to talk to new people. But it has been a wonderful adventure and my British lifestyle here will be sorely missed. And hopefully, in writing this, I will give myself incentive to continue this story. Because I doubt many people are happy with such a measly blurb after such a long drought of silence.... So please bear with me!!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Fate has a Cruel Sense of Humor
I have a confession to make. I love weddings. And I mean I LOVE them. I love everything about them, the decorations, the flowers, the cake, the mementos, the personal touches, and most of all, the dress. There isn't much in this world that makes my little heart sing quite like a wedding…Other people’s weddings that is. Fate must have a cruel sense of humor if a cynic like me should be so infatuated with the marvelous world of bridal. I actually have zero interest in my own wedding. In fact, the only reason I’m on Pinterest is for other people’s weddings. I would bet that at least all of my prospect clients have bridal boards filled to the brim with every childhood fantasy, every high fashion dream, and every personalized touch that makes her “different for the rest”. And for me, it’s like a glitter explosion. The crazed raccoon inside of me that goes mental at the sight of anything even remotely shiny jumps for joy at sight of so much sparkle on said bridal boards. And it doesn't just stop at bridal, oh no, how could it when there is a vast wealth of sparkle elsewhere such as in the land of dancewear, evening couture, and pageants? Sure, theatre is fun and all, and menswear has such a clean and sleek look, and technical outerwear is a… thing, but none of them allow you the same liberty of vomiting glitter on every inch something quite like the magical world of sparkle. Call me crazy, (most people do) but the thought of bedazzling anything from head to toe gets my hand-sewing/glue-gunning hand just a twitching. And maybe it’s a little sad that I don’t dream about my own fairytale wedding, but let’s be honest, twenty is practically a swaddling babe and I’m not exactly beating the boys away with a stick. But I like to be a part of the fairytale. Helping to make a special day memorable for someone actually has the ability to outsparkle all the glitter I plastered onto said piece that I made. That’s why I do what I do. That’s why I put up with the crazy hours and the stressful projects because it’s what I love to do and I get to get to make people happy every day. And, of course, the allure of glitter sparkling from every possible angle on every possible surface helps too.
And to continue with the glitter theme, here is a song from one of my favorite British artists, Daley, that I was fortunate enough to see live! Hope you enjoy and have a "sparkly" rest of the week!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Emotional Roller Coaster
It’s
been an emotional day. And while every day is emotional for me, this one was a
kicker. And I know I’ve been avoiding this blog out of fear but I can’t ignore
it anymore because I want to be real and truthful and not hide behind sarcastic
humor. Being hurt and vulnerable is what makes you human; it makes you realize
that you’re alive and real. So while many of you may be expecting a humorous story
about my silly life I need to do
this. I need to admit that I’m scared. I need to admit that I’m human because
we all have the same fears of not being good enough or getting hurt. We may
look different or deal with it differently but we experience it just the same. So,
I would like to be crazy and honest and share with you my work and some of my
fears. Here it goes….
Creative
Well – A project that forced you to dig deep and to explore your creativity so
that it will never run out. (Also makes you cry and leaves you an emotional
wreck… But it helps you grow!)
Back (Truth Side) |
It
all started with the phrase “Follow your feet”. My mind will spin stories and
over analyze everything until I’m lost and hopeless. And I absolutely, 100% cannot
trust my heart because it’s so fickle. I can only trust my feet because they
always lead me in the right direction. They follow by instinct no matter which
way my body is pointed. When I voiced out loud the fact that you can’t trust
your heart, my friend became sad. I said it so carelessly and nonchalantly
because to me it was the truth. My heart has been bruised and battered multiple
times and it was easier to build up the wall and numb the pain. Trusting your
heart is reckless and unpredictable and gives you nothing but trouble and
heartache. I’ve tried to fit in and keep my emotions in check for years but
every time I spoke up and was ridiculed, I ended up closing my heart away just
a little more. For years I told myself that that’s just the way it is; that
every time you open up your heart to someone you loved they were supposed to
hurt you. I realized from a young age that nobody cares about your problems and
no one wants to listen to them. So when I have a problem I recede behind my
wall and push everyone away, quietly dealing with my pain. But this is no way
to live your life. Getting hurt is a part of changing and growing as a person.
It’s unrealistic to think that I can protect myself forever and never put
myself out there. For this reason I was scared of creative well but excited at
the same time. I put my heart and soul into every piece of art I create. It’s
all filled with symbolism that only I seem to understand. The piece I created
is a mirror; the two sides are the exact same. On one side is the symbolism and
the concealed emotions, on the other is the raw and blatant truth. You see the Concealed side first because it
acts like a shield because I’m confident that very few can see the secrets that
I hid within my drawings. The Truth side is sheltered and intimate. It’s just
you and the raw emotion.
This
semester has been filled with ups and downs and has been emotionally difficult
from the beginning. But after everything that’s happened and Creative Well I
feel like I’m back to a good place in my life. I’m still absolutely petrified
that I actually made this thing but I know that I’m going to be okay because I
trust myself and all the wonderful people around me. Thank you for giving me
the courage to put myself out there and to be a better person.
Words that I wanted to say...
That
is correct; fear has been holding me back from speaking my mind. And based on
my outrageous outfits, my flamboyant hair, and my rather obnoxious
cheerfulness, you might assume that I’m quite the confident little
whippersnapper. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’d be wrong. And if
you’ve already read this far expecting a hilarious story about my ridiculous
life, you should probably stop reading now because you are sadly mistaken. Because
what I’ve built up has started to crack and crumble and I seems like I have to
start from square one. It’s weird that I’m the type of person who worries what
people think about me. In fact, I’m freaking out about this while I type this and
I don’t even know if I’ll post this. I’m scared that no one will find what I write interesting or as funny as I do or think that I’m a pretentious
hypocrite. I’m scared of putting what I really think into words and I’m
petrified of offending someone through my cynical and incredibly morbid sense
of humor. I want to write, but I don’t know what to write anymore. I try to
tell people if I have a problem but I’m awkward so instead I just internalize
everything.
If you stuck this out to the bitter end, THANK YOU. Thank you for listening and trying to understand. This isn’t me trying to be angsty, this is me trying to connect with people again. I want to keep growing and changing as a person and that means letting go of everything holding me back and opening my heart up to new opportunities. I can’t wait to continue the journey.
And lastly, I leave you with my new favorite band The 1975 and their awesome song "Chocolate". Give it a listen because they're brilliant and don't forget to stay awesome!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
What NOT To Wear To A Saskatchewan Bar
Thursday, November 22, 2012
My Ridiculous Encounter at the Pool
Last Thursday…
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Serial Procrastination
I’M A SERIAL PROCRASTINATOR.
It’s
gotten so bad that I will do other homework to avoid certain homework. *cough* illustrator… And it’s not like I have a shortage
of homework, trust me when I say IT NEVER ENDS. There is always something that
I could be working on, something that could be improved, a new project to
start. So why on earth do I waste my time refreshing my Facebook page when in
fact I really don’t care? Or why do I allow myself to get sucked into surfing
YouTube, following a trail of videos that is infinite? Looking at my calendar
physically pains me. It looks like a battlefield with the due dates glistening
in red and notes scattered bleakly in the perfect little numbered squares
mocking me with my lack of life. I painstakingly plan out my weekends and write
down everything that needs to be completed but the moment I sit down in front of my
computer all my good intentions fly out the window. It doesn’t matter that I
have a huge project due the next day because I just found a video of Bigbang
speaking English. Who cares if I fail, the new episode of the Mentalist just
came out. And before you know it, it’s Sunday night and I’m in a panic trying
to finish everything for the upcoming week. It’s such a pointless and vicious
cycle that causes me nothing but grief and lack of sleep. And the funny thing
is, I can function perfectly well without knowing what everyone is doing in the
world. In fact, I frequently take hiatuses from Facebook and my accursed
cellphone, yet I never seem take them when I should. There’s just something so
alluring about avoiding homework until the last conceivable minute. Maybe it’s
because I fool myself into thinking I work better under pressure. But come
on now, let’s be serious here, when I have a billion projects due in one week
and I’m only functioning on 2 hours of sleep the whole shebang is a tight-lipped
monstrosity. What I mean is that in light of the past homework leaden weeks, I think
I’ve sorta learnt my lesson when it
comes to proper time management. I can only hope it will stick…
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